Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
