I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
