The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
