apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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