I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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