i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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