i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
