she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
