I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
