thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
