Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
