just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
