So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
