you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
