I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
