there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
