Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
