Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
