***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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