Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
