i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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