when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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