I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
