Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
