I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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