1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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