I just made out with a guy for $7.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"