jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao