Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?