why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.