His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
there is glitter all over my balls
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