Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
