Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
