just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
