It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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