Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
