hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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