I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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