You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
