I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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