i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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