just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
