He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
