I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
