there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
