There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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