naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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