Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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