it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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