Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
