Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
