Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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