Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
