She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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