I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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