i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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