Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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