I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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