i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
