I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
