I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
