I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
