OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
