Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
