Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
